PARENT COACH--ALISON ASTAIR
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eight to nine


 Eight-year-olds' love to share their

viewpoint on just  about any topic!  You
 
can provide opportunities for self-esteem
 
building by talking to them and allowing

them to share their opinions.  It feels

good  to a child when you listen to what
 
they have to say!  Knowing you care

about their opinion develops their

self-confidence and  keeps the lines of

communication open.  Very important!


Eight to nine year olds have a clearly
 
developed sense of self-worth and may
 
talk about feeling frustrated with other 

children that they perceive are weaker
 
than them.  (Children who can't read

as well, do as well in math, sports, etc.) 

It's very important to talk to your child

about the differences in people and  help
 
them to be more accepting, less critical

and not beome judgmental of others! 

These behaviors can lead to bullying!



At this age, they have a stong need for

love and understanding, especially from

their mother. They can be cheerful,
 
helpful and pleasant as well as bossy,
 
rude and sensitive.  They may become

more dramatic and overly sensitive to the

slightest comment.  Their emotions can

change quickly!  Beware!


The eight to nine year old begins to
 
understand the concept of hiding their
 
emotions and will show different kinds

of coping strategies to deal with 

challenging situations.  They still rely on 

adults for a sense of security but are

very proud of their own independence

and will definitely want to show it!  If a

situation is extremely stressful for them,

they will look for an adult to help but in

less direct ways than when they were

younger.   They don't usually want you
 
to solve their problem by intervening for

them, because it will just embarrass them. 

They usually want you to help with

suggestions of how they can handle it 

on their own.  


They enjoy having the opportunity to

solve problems independently.  Their ability
 
to concentrate on a variety of tasks

increases and they begin to try to solve
 
problems on their own before looking for

an adult to help them. 


Eight year olds are usually much more

extroverted!  They are interested in

seeing more people, places and things!

Exposure to new opportunities such as

belonging to groups, clubs, visiting

museums, attending concerts, etc. are

all experiences for growth and developing

more confidence.  Allow your child to

experience as much as he can but be

reasonable!  Don't overload them with

activities every day!  Kids need time to

be at home with their parents too.  

Their need for "down time" isn't much

different from yours!

social and emotional


Your eight to nine year old will strongly

evaluate herself against the standards of
 
peers, parents and teachers.  A child will

feel inadequate if their personal standards

do not measure up to their "perceived"

standards of others. It's important
 
to provide opportunities for your child

to succeed at something that she is good
 
at doing!  This success will help to build

confidence.  Help your child to understand

that not everyone is good at everything!

Point out different abilities of your own 

siblings, spouse or friends.  It's easier

for them to understand those differences

than to compare them to their friends.


Eight year old's often have high expectations
 
of themselves and need both parent's and
 
teacher's help to give them more realistic and
 
attainable goals. 

Peer pressure is very strong at this age! 

It's the reason why trends in things like

clothes, computer games and TV shows

catch on so quickly!   Your child may even

say that she loves things that her best
 
friend loves, even though the day before it

didn't matter to her! 


Peer influence is here to stay!  As difficult
 
as it is at times, this is an important time
 
for your child to learn to navigate social

relationships and fit in. 

This doesn't mean that you aren't going

to teach your child the importance of

developing a strong sense of self!  But
 
the skills of "fitting in" to some degree 

help a child as they are growing and into

adulthood.

Give your child positive reinforcement

about her likes and dislikes and her skills

and abilities.  Let her know that it's okay
 
to be different in some ways from her
 
friends, and show her that different

people like different things. 


Children in this age group are frequently

self-conscious.  If your child has any
 
"differences", (wearing glasses, left

handed,learning difficulties, freckles, etc.),
 
they aren't usually aren't that bothered by
 
it (unless someone has teased them.)  It's

important to nurture self-acceptance now

before they begin to become concerned

 about the differences.
.


areas of concern:

* Excessive concerns about competition

   and performance (especially in school)

*extreme defiance or rebellion

* headaches

* nervous stomach

* procrastination

* over dependence on caregivers for

   age appropriate tasks (combing hair,

   getting dressed, tying shoes, etc.

* lack of friendships

* poor social skills

* lying

* bed wetting


THIRD GRADE

Social Changes

Eight-year-olds have a greater need to
 
be liked by peers.
They have a better
 
capacity to express thoughts and feelings

and have a stronger sense of right and
 
wrong.  All of these areas strongly

impact their behavior!  

 Third graders are gaining confidence,

making their own decisions, and figuring

out where they fit within their school

community.  


This is the age of the "best friend".  At 

previous ages, they used the "best friend"

term to describe many of their friends, but
 
now you may see them spending time with
 
one friend.   They will still have many
 
friends but many of their activities will be

ones where their  best friend is  always

involved. 


This age  can present challenges for
 
parents, who frequently  see their child
 
listening more intently to his friends than
 
to his family! 



If things have been fairly "easy" for your
 
child academically, this is the year that

things can become more difficult.  Your
 
child may just think that schoolwork and

homework is interfering with her social

time!


Eight year olds don't like to be bossed

around! Their stronger sense of self has
 
caused this change.   Parents who use an

authoritative style will experience more

sullenness and resentment.   This is not
 
to say that you allow them to makes the
 
rules!  But more subtle cues and

reminders will give you a better response.

Remember too, that this age wants later
 
bedtimes and special privileges.  Use this
 
to your advantage and things will go more

smoothly!  Use the "If your room is

cleaned up by (a certain time), then you
 
will be able to (watch a favorite TV show,

stay up 15 minutes later, etc.).  No

negotiating. This is not  to

be said in a threatening tone, "If you

don't do....etc."  Just make a statement

about what you expect. This will work
 
more positively for both of you!  This

also continues  to develop your child's

sense of responsibility and she will

also learn the consequences of her
 
actions--both positively and negatively!


It's common for your third grader to

create her own private world with a best
 
friend or a small group of friends. This

comes equipped with "inside jokes" that
 
mean nothing to parents!  The silliness

may often increase at this  age due to
 
her broadening understanding of life and 

her own interpretations of it.   Expect
 
some bigger "potty" jokes too!


Friendships are usually on the top of their

priority list.  They may shut out their

parents or want to tell you every detail

of their life!  While they often love to

monopolize conversation, just know
 
that it's normal for the self-centeredness
 
to be at an all-time high! 

All of this is just  part of growing up. It’s
 
difficult for parents to feel like they’re on
 
the outside of their child's world but it's
 
just part of the transition into third grade.


Enjoy this time and watch your child
 
blossom!  That wonderful feeling of pride

may just make the feeling of frustration

of being an outsider,  just a little easier!


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