DIVORCE AND SEPARATION
This is NOT legal advice. It is meant for informational purposes only!
- Divorce vs. Legal Separation
- Don't fall for the threats!
- Things to Do Once You Separate
- Areas to Include in Divorce Agreements
THE MOST IMPORTANT FACTOR IN YOUR DIVORCE SETTLEMENT IS BEING PREPARED!
The more educated that you are, the more comprehensive your divorce settlement will be.
THE FOLLOWING AREAS ARE ONES TO REVIEW TO MAKE SURE THAT YOU HAVE
COVERED ALL THAT YOU NEED TO PROTECT YOURSELF AND YOUR CHILDREN.
CHILDREN:
Health Insurance
If your child has health insurance through either spouse, that spouse will usually be required to
continue the insurance.
If neither you nor your partner has health insurance now, often the one who has custody is
required to pay extra to cover the cost of the health insurance.
Who will be responsible for co-payments?
Dental Insurance
Do you have coverage now? Who will be responsible for payments and co-payments?
If your children are young and you haven’t thought of braces, that need may occur!
Make sure to have that included in your agreement.
Education
If your child currently attends a private school, who will be responsible for the cost?
If your child is not in college at this time, think ahead! Although there are loans and some
grants available, your child will still require extra money for expenses such as books, room
and board, activity fees, etc. It’s easier to have it included now even if college is years away!
Custody and Visitation
Check under the Custody and Visitation tab for child custody and visitation, grandparent’s
rights and pet custody. This section provides you with detailed information so that you
don't miss any area!
ALIMONY AND SPOUSAL SUPPORT
The general purpose of alimony is to provide a continuing income to a non-wage-earning or
lower-wage-earning spouse.
Each state has different ways of interpreting the law, but the following are areas of consideration:
If the divorce decree does not set a date for alimony to stop, then it usually is determined by the
court. Some forms of alimony are to be paid until the remarriage of the recipient. There are some
agreements that have a "cohabitation" clause which states that alimony ends when the recipient
cohabits with another person.
DIVORCE vs. LEGAL SEPARATION
Legal separation is done to change the status of your marriage. Physical separation is not the
same thing! Living in separate homes does not mean that there is a legal agreement. For a legal
separation, you will need to file a petition, usually in Superior or Family court. Check into this
because individual states vary.
Because it is similar to divorce, you will need to include alimony, child support, custody and
visitation, restraining or protective orders. Since the cost is about the same as divorce, you
may wonder why you would want to separate instead.
This could be done for:
A judge will often use the same agreement that you had in a separation when proceeding
with a divorce, so be careful of what you put in there! Make sure that you've covered all
areas.
Costs vary state to state of course, but it is approximately $450.00. The one who files,
pays the filing fee. File first! You may think that you want to avoid the filing fee, but it is said
that it is better to be the plaintiff (the one who files) than the defendant (your spouse)!
Think of the timing before your file!
If your spouse will be getting a raise or a bonus soon, you will want to file AFTER
that time to have it included. If you wait until you are married for ten years, you may get a larger portion of your spouses social security.
Decide if you want a mediator or a divorce attorney. Most couples cannot manage this process without one or another. If you have decided on this together and are amicable, then a mediator can ease some of the emotional process and help keep some costs down. I HIGHLY recommend Nadia Pazos. Please see her tab under the divorce section (Pazos Family Law) and also see my comments under the divorce mediation section. _www.pazosfamilylaw.com
DON’T FALL FOR THREATS
DON'T LET YOUR SPOUSE CONVINCE YOU THAT:
YOU NEED TO KNOW:
If your spouse makes any threats, keep a log of what was said, the time, date and place. Keep it as detailed as possible. DO NOT KEEP THE ARGUMENT GOING. IF HE THREATENS, IGNORE HIM!
Judges will take this behavior into account!
ONCE YOU SEPARATE
SOME AREAS TO COVER IN DIVORCE AGREEMENT
THE MOST IMPORTANT FACTOR IN YOUR DIVORCE SETTLEMENT IS BEING PREPARED!
The more educated that you are, the more comprehensive your divorce settlement will be.
THE FOLLOWING AREAS ARE SOME OF THE ONES TO REVIEW TO MAKE SURE THAT YOU HAVE
COVERED ALL THAT YOU NEED TO PROTECT YOURSELF AND YOUR CHILDREN.
CHILDREN:
Health Insurance
If your child has health insurance through either spouse, that spouse will usually be required to continue the insurance.
If neither you nor your partner has health insurance now, often the one who has custody is required to pay extra to cover the cost of the health insurance.
Who will be responsible for co-payments?
Dental Insurance
Do you have coverage now? Who will be responsible for payments and co-payments?
If your children are young and you haven’t thought of braces, that need may occur!
Make sure to have that included in your agreement.
Education
If your child currently attends a private school, who will be responsible for the cost?
If your child is not in college at this time, think ahead! Although there are loans and some
grants available, your child will still require extra money for expenses such as books, room and board, activity fees, etc. It’s easier to have it included now even if college is years away!
Custody and Visitation
Check under the Custody and Visitation tab for child custody and visitation, grandparent’s rights and pet custody. This section provides you with detailed information so that you don't miss any area!
ALIMONY AND SPOUSAL SUPPORT
The general purpose of alimony is to provide a continuing income to a non-wage-earning or lower-wage-earning spouse.
Each state has different ways of interpreting the law, but the following are areas of consideration:
If the divorce decree does not set a date for alimony to stop, then it usually is determined by the court. Some forms of alimony are to be paid until the remarriage of the recipient. There are some agreements that have a "cohabitation" clause which states that alimony ends when the recipient cohabits with another person.
With our culture changing, there are many families that include two wage earners. Women are seen as less dependent and many men are viewed as equal partners in parenting. Due to this the change, alimony to the wife is eroding and now orders of alimony payments from ex-wife to
ex-husband are being seen.
MARITAL ASSETS
Home
Many parents want to stay in their home for the sake of the children and their sense of security.
As much as you want to stay in your home, you need make sure that you can afford to pay for all of the expenses. You will have the typical expenses, but it’s important to think of the cost of repairs and maintenance too! If you cannot afford to stay there, you will be adding additional stress to your life! It may be best to sell the home and have money toward a new home that you can afford.
Retirement Plan
Do you have a retirement plan through your employer? Have you and your spouse put money
into different investments for this? Don’t forget to include this area in your agreement.
Due to the change in benefit age, you may not be eligible for full social security at age 64.
Securities
Do you have stocks or bonds? What about accounts in your child's name? Is your spouse's name on the account with your child or is it your name?
Cash
Checking accounts, savings accounts and any cash on hand should be taken into consideration.
Once the percentages have been decided on, and you have divided your money, check with your bank to learn the process of removing your spouse’s name from any joint accounts.
Credit Cards or Credit Accounts
Discuss with your attorney what the process is in: canceling all joint credit cards, charge accounts, removing yourself from cosigned or guaranteed loans, etc.
Student Loans
Have you signed any paperwork to make you jointly responsible for payment for your spouse’s student loan? Did you or your spouse return to school while the other stayed home with the children? Who is responsible for the loan?
Money owed to you or your spouse
Are you waiting for your tax return? Has someone borrowed money and you are receiving payments? Do you have a lawsuit that you are waiting on settlement?
Cars, boats, campers
It may or may not be fair for each spouse to keep their own car. If your car is leases, it usually has no value. But one car may be paid off and another may have loan payments attached. Find out the balance of the loan from the lender and take monthly payments into consideration when
writing up the divorce agreement. If you have a boat or motor home, it may be more difficult to determine the value. Often these are sold and the profit divided. If you or your spouse wants to keep the boat for example, your attorney may suggest that you be paid one half of the current
value. Property division laws vary by state!
Life Insurance
Some forms of life insurance have a cash surrender value. Check on any policies to be sure.
Collectibles
Art, jewelry, antiques and some tools could fit into this category. Make sure you take current value into consideration as well as estimated future value.
Household Items
Most household items don’t have the value that you may think. Even electronics depreciate quickly, so that computer or large screen TV may not be worth as much as you thought they would be. The best thing could be to just walk through the house together and divide things up.
If you feel that some items are more valuable, you can list them and possible do an eBay search to get some ideas of the monetary value. Replacement costs should be considered too.
Remember to check on the closing bid on eBay, not the opening bid! Check a few different sources to make your best decision.
The more educated that you are, the more comprehensive your divorce settlement will be.
THE FOLLOWING AREAS ARE ONES TO REVIEW TO MAKE SURE THAT YOU HAVE
COVERED ALL THAT YOU NEED TO PROTECT YOURSELF AND YOUR CHILDREN.
CHILDREN:
Health Insurance
If your child has health insurance through either spouse, that spouse will usually be required to
continue the insurance.
If neither you nor your partner has health insurance now, often the one who has custody is
required to pay extra to cover the cost of the health insurance.
Who will be responsible for co-payments?
Dental Insurance
Do you have coverage now? Who will be responsible for payments and co-payments?
If your children are young and you haven’t thought of braces, that need may occur!
Make sure to have that included in your agreement.
Education
If your child currently attends a private school, who will be responsible for the cost?
If your child is not in college at this time, think ahead! Although there are loans and some
grants available, your child will still require extra money for expenses such as books, room
and board, activity fees, etc. It’s easier to have it included now even if college is years away!
Custody and Visitation
Check under the Custody and Visitation tab for child custody and visitation, grandparent’s
rights and pet custody. This section provides you with detailed information so that you
don't miss any area!
ALIMONY AND SPOUSAL SUPPORT
The general purpose of alimony is to provide a continuing income to a non-wage-earning or
lower-wage-earning spouse.
Each state has different ways of interpreting the law, but the following are areas of consideration:
- Age, physical condition, mental/emotional state and financial condition of the former spouse.
- Length of time the spouse would need for education or training to become self-sufficient.
- The standard of living during the marriage.
- The amount of years married.
- The current ability of the spouse to afford alimony and still provide support for himself
If the divorce decree does not set a date for alimony to stop, then it usually is determined by the
court. Some forms of alimony are to be paid until the remarriage of the recipient. There are some
agreements that have a "cohabitation" clause which states that alimony ends when the recipient
cohabits with another person.
DIVORCE vs. LEGAL SEPARATION
Legal separation is done to change the status of your marriage. Physical separation is not the
same thing! Living in separate homes does not mean that there is a legal agreement. For a legal
separation, you will need to file a petition, usually in Superior or Family court. Check into this
because individual states vary.
Because it is similar to divorce, you will need to include alimony, child support, custody and
visitation, restraining or protective orders. Since the cost is about the same as divorce, you
may wonder why you would want to separate instead.
This could be done for:
- Religious beliefs
- Moral beliefs
- Keeping medical insurance
- Not wanting to sell the home at this time
- Needing more years in the marriage to collect social security benefits
- Protection of your assets while deciding on a divorce
A judge will often use the same agreement that you had in a separation when proceeding
with a divorce, so be careful of what you put in there! Make sure that you've covered all
areas.
Costs vary state to state of course, but it is approximately $450.00. The one who files,
pays the filing fee. File first! You may think that you want to avoid the filing fee, but it is said
that it is better to be the plaintiff (the one who files) than the defendant (your spouse)!
Think of the timing before your file!
If your spouse will be getting a raise or a bonus soon, you will want to file AFTER
that time to have it included. If you wait until you are married for ten years, you may get a larger portion of your spouses social security.
Decide if you want a mediator or a divorce attorney. Most couples cannot manage this process without one or another. If you have decided on this together and are amicable, then a mediator can ease some of the emotional process and help keep some costs down. I HIGHLY recommend Nadia Pazos. Please see her tab under the divorce section (Pazos Family Law) and also see my comments under the divorce mediation section. _www.pazosfamilylaw.com
DON’T FALL FOR THREATS
DON'T LET YOUR SPOUSE CONVINCE YOU THAT:
- You will end up with nothing!
- You will lose the kids!
- You will be kicked out of the house!
- You won't get any child support!
- I'll tell the judge about your behavior and you'll never see the kids!
- Listen to me or you won't get a dime!
- I'll quit my job, go to jail, etc. before I pay you anything!
- Your attorney is no good. Lets just use mine and save money!
YOU NEED TO KNOW:
If your spouse makes any threats, keep a log of what was said, the time, date and place. Keep it as detailed as possible. DO NOT KEEP THE ARGUMENT GOING. IF HE THREATENS, IGNORE HIM!
Judges will take this behavior into account!
- THE JUDGE MAKES THESE DECISIONS, NOT YOUR SPOUSE!
- In most states, half of everything your spouse owns belongs to you!
- Child support is mandated by law so don't worry! If your spouse if employed and you have the children, he or she will be paying child support! Child support can be garnished from his or her wages.
- Courts often change custody of the child if the other parent intentionally denies contact with the child.
- If threats are made by email or in a letter, make copies and give them to your attorney. If there are witnesses, keep that in your log. You may need them to testify in court on you may need them to testify in court on your behalf.
ONCE YOU SEPARATE
- Close or freeze all joint bank accounts. You and your spouse may want to divide funds equally. This is a better solution than having no immediate cash! If your spouse isn't agreeable, speak with your attorney. It's much more difficult when your assets are frozen so try to work this out with your spouse if possible.
- Discuss with your attorney what the process is in: canceling all joint credit cards, charge accounts, removing yourself from cosigned or guaranteed loans, etc.
- Change beneficiaries on all insurance policies
- If you have a will, you may want to have changes made.
- If you are paying child support or alimony, keep these records clear by paying in check, not cash. If you do use cash at any time, write it down!
- Keep a list of all debts once you separate. Keep a list of expenses to repair the home, credit cards, etc.
- If you have children you may notice that there are things that you didn't think of earlier, such as activity expenses, birthday party gifts, allowances, etc. It's important to make adjustments before the divorce is finalized.
- Divorce can become a long and costly process. The more that you argue and try to retaliate against your spouse, the more money the attorneys will make. The more money that you pay the attorneys the less there is to divide!
- Divorce can stir up intense anger! Anger can create vindictiveness. That can lead to more calls to the attorney, more letters to be written and more fuel added to an already intense fire. Seeking therapy to deal with the emotions during the legal process will be more beneficial to your emotional and physical health.
- Don't forget about the emotions that your children may be having! Often parent coaching is needed at this time to assure as much balance as possible between the homes. Please go my my "help me" tab for more information.
SOME AREAS TO COVER IN DIVORCE AGREEMENT
THE MOST IMPORTANT FACTOR IN YOUR DIVORCE SETTLEMENT IS BEING PREPARED!
The more educated that you are, the more comprehensive your divorce settlement will be.
THE FOLLOWING AREAS ARE SOME OF THE ONES TO REVIEW TO MAKE SURE THAT YOU HAVE
COVERED ALL THAT YOU NEED TO PROTECT YOURSELF AND YOUR CHILDREN.
CHILDREN:
Health Insurance
If your child has health insurance through either spouse, that spouse will usually be required to continue the insurance.
If neither you nor your partner has health insurance now, often the one who has custody is required to pay extra to cover the cost of the health insurance.
Who will be responsible for co-payments?
Dental Insurance
Do you have coverage now? Who will be responsible for payments and co-payments?
If your children are young and you haven’t thought of braces, that need may occur!
Make sure to have that included in your agreement.
Education
If your child currently attends a private school, who will be responsible for the cost?
If your child is not in college at this time, think ahead! Although there are loans and some
grants available, your child will still require extra money for expenses such as books, room and board, activity fees, etc. It’s easier to have it included now even if college is years away!
Custody and Visitation
Check under the Custody and Visitation tab for child custody and visitation, grandparent’s rights and pet custody. This section provides you with detailed information so that you don't miss any area!
ALIMONY AND SPOUSAL SUPPORT
The general purpose of alimony is to provide a continuing income to a non-wage-earning or lower-wage-earning spouse.
Each state has different ways of interpreting the law, but the following are areas of consideration:
- Age, physical condition, mental/emotional state and financial condition of the former spouse.
- Length of time the spouse would need for education or training to become self-sufficient.
- The standard of living during the marriage.
- The amount of years married.
- The current ability of the spouse to afford alimony and still provide support for himself
If the divorce decree does not set a date for alimony to stop, then it usually is determined by the court. Some forms of alimony are to be paid until the remarriage of the recipient. There are some agreements that have a "cohabitation" clause which states that alimony ends when the recipient cohabits with another person.
With our culture changing, there are many families that include two wage earners. Women are seen as less dependent and many men are viewed as equal partners in parenting. Due to this the change, alimony to the wife is eroding and now orders of alimony payments from ex-wife to
ex-husband are being seen.
MARITAL ASSETS
Home
Many parents want to stay in their home for the sake of the children and their sense of security.
As much as you want to stay in your home, you need make sure that you can afford to pay for all of the expenses. You will have the typical expenses, but it’s important to think of the cost of repairs and maintenance too! If you cannot afford to stay there, you will be adding additional stress to your life! It may be best to sell the home and have money toward a new home that you can afford.
Retirement Plan
Do you have a retirement plan through your employer? Have you and your spouse put money
into different investments for this? Don’t forget to include this area in your agreement.
Due to the change in benefit age, you may not be eligible for full social security at age 64.
Securities
Do you have stocks or bonds? What about accounts in your child's name? Is your spouse's name on the account with your child or is it your name?
Cash
Checking accounts, savings accounts and any cash on hand should be taken into consideration.
Once the percentages have been decided on, and you have divided your money, check with your bank to learn the process of removing your spouse’s name from any joint accounts.
Credit Cards or Credit Accounts
Discuss with your attorney what the process is in: canceling all joint credit cards, charge accounts, removing yourself from cosigned or guaranteed loans, etc.
Student Loans
Have you signed any paperwork to make you jointly responsible for payment for your spouse’s student loan? Did you or your spouse return to school while the other stayed home with the children? Who is responsible for the loan?
Money owed to you or your spouse
Are you waiting for your tax return? Has someone borrowed money and you are receiving payments? Do you have a lawsuit that you are waiting on settlement?
Cars, boats, campers
It may or may not be fair for each spouse to keep their own car. If your car is leases, it usually has no value. But one car may be paid off and another may have loan payments attached. Find out the balance of the loan from the lender and take monthly payments into consideration when
writing up the divorce agreement. If you have a boat or motor home, it may be more difficult to determine the value. Often these are sold and the profit divided. If you or your spouse wants to keep the boat for example, your attorney may suggest that you be paid one half of the current
value. Property division laws vary by state!
Life Insurance
Some forms of life insurance have a cash surrender value. Check on any policies to be sure.
Collectibles
Art, jewelry, antiques and some tools could fit into this category. Make sure you take current value into consideration as well as estimated future value.
Household Items
Most household items don’t have the value that you may think. Even electronics depreciate quickly, so that computer or large screen TV may not be worth as much as you thought they would be. The best thing could be to just walk through the house together and divide things up.
If you feel that some items are more valuable, you can list them and possible do an eBay search to get some ideas of the monetary value. Replacement costs should be considered too.
Remember to check on the closing bid on eBay, not the opening bid! Check a few different sources to make your best decision.
