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PARENT QUESTION: What are the appropriate punishments if a child cusses at age 12?
ANSWER: Children of that age
usually curse to throw you off
balance, pull you into a fight or
possibly hurt you (if the cursing is directed
at you). You need to have very clear rules
about cursing. Once you have the rule
established, don’t keep discussing it! Kids
love to pull parents into long discussions that
really aren’t discussions at all but their way
of trying to maintain some power!
Your rule should be no cursing at all! You
know that kids may curse outside of their
home with friends, but you need to be really
firm about your position at home to get your
point across.
Consequences for cursing will vary with
children because different things matter to
different ones. If video games are your
child’s love, they lose it for that day. If they
are in any sports or outside activities, you can
make that a consequence. You can have them
lose a day’s practice. Don’t let them manipulate
you with “The coach needs me to be there”! If
your child likes to talk on the phone, they lose
that for the day. What you need to do is to
choose anything that your child really cares
about to make the impact that you want. For example if you take away video games and they curse again, you just add another 24 hours to
the consequence.
Some families have used a “cursing jar” and
anytime a curse is heard that person has to put
a quarter in the jar. That can be effective if your child hates to part with money!
If your child curses at you under his breath, they still receive the consequences. Now he may say,
“I didn’t say anything! That’s not fair!!” but you heard it, so the consequence stands. Don’t let
those under the breath curse words be used to
“get away with it”.
Once your child knows the consequence it will be
his decision to abide by it. I would let him know ahead of time what you have decided so there will be no surprises. Once he curses and you’ve given a consequence don’t get into any discussion at all about it. You’ve told him and that’s enough
talking about it! Say it, mean it and follow
through!
Hope this helps! Let me know how your child does!
ANSWER: Children of that age
usually curse to throw you off
balance, pull you into a fight or
possibly hurt you (if the cursing is directed
at you). You need to have very clear rules
about cursing. Once you have the rule
established, don’t keep discussing it! Kids
love to pull parents into long discussions that
really aren’t discussions at all but their way
of trying to maintain some power!
Your rule should be no cursing at all! You
know that kids may curse outside of their
home with friends, but you need to be really
firm about your position at home to get your
point across.
Consequences for cursing will vary with
children because different things matter to
different ones. If video games are your
child’s love, they lose it for that day. If they
are in any sports or outside activities, you can
make that a consequence. You can have them
lose a day’s practice. Don’t let them manipulate
you with “The coach needs me to be there”! If
your child likes to talk on the phone, they lose
that for the day. What you need to do is to
choose anything that your child really cares
about to make the impact that you want. For example if you take away video games and they curse again, you just add another 24 hours to
the consequence.
Some families have used a “cursing jar” and
anytime a curse is heard that person has to put
a quarter in the jar. That can be effective if your child hates to part with money!
If your child curses at you under his breath, they still receive the consequences. Now he may say,
“I didn’t say anything! That’s not fair!!” but you heard it, so the consequence stands. Don’t let
those under the breath curse words be used to
“get away with it”.
Once your child knows the consequence it will be
his decision to abide by it. I would let him know ahead of time what you have decided so there will be no surprises. Once he curses and you’ve given a consequence don’t get into any discussion at all about it. You’ve told him and that’s enough
talking about it! Say it, mean it and follow
through!
Hope this helps! Let me know how your child does!