www.helpmealison.com
PARENT QUESTION: Hi...
I am having a very
difficult time accepting
that my almost 10 year
old daughter will never
grow into "having basic common sense".... Please guide/advise... I CAN'T FIND any guidance
in books/ web on how to help her or myself to accept that I will have to guide her forever and
ever (well I hope not)... Any thoughts?
ANSWER: While most people develop basic
common sense, others do not! Most of us have
met a few adults in our lifetime that we say are
very bright but have no common sense. So, it’s possible! For those that don’t develop this
naturally, what you can do is teach problems solving. When things aren’t just naturally
logical to a person, problem solving can help.
Sometimes it’s just easier to tell our kids what
to do to avoid some problems, but even though
it’s easier, it does take away the skill building of
how to solve a problem. With a child that can
be impulsive, it’s important to slow down a
child's thought process, so problem solving
skills can be built.
You may want to work on building confidence
and asking her opinion. You can ask general questions such as “Why are stop signs red?”
It’s not that important what the answer is to
this, but just the idea that you’re getting your daughter to think and to come up with some
ideas. The more that you do things like that,
the more she may become used to thinking
and coming up with ideas. Build questions
into something that would have a clear answer
such as “What does a person do when he gets a cut?” Just knowing that you care about her
opinion is a great self-esteem booster! When
you think of it, she’s probably more used to
being corrected due to the frustration that
occurs from her lack of common sense.
Encourage her!
When you begin to work on “slowing things
down”, you may ask her to ask herself these questions:
Is this a good idea to do?
Will it hurt me or anyone else?
If it’s not a good idea or it will hurt me or
someone else, what may be a better way to
do it?
These questions teach your child to think of
options before they jump in head first! For
some children who lack certain skills, teaching
may seem robotic but you need to do what
works and builds success. After a while, she’ll remember all of the questions. When she makes
a mistake, ask her to go back and go through the questions with you. She’ll build skills with
practice! Some people always need to think
this way because it’s just not a natural thing
to see what most of us feel is obvious. If she’s
one of those people it will help her more to
teach and encourage her.
There is a quote that says, "Teach your child
how to think, not what to think." You can do
that when you encourage her to discover her
own solutions. When she comes to you with a
question ask her what she thinks the answer
might be. Then ask her questions to get her
start thinking in the right direction. Use a tone
that is fun and inquisitive!
When you teach your child to think, they'll
learn how to solve more problems on their
own. That gives them lots of confidence
and pride!
If you haven’t done this already, I’d speak
with her pediatrician about this and see if
they feel that further testing is needed.
I wish you the best!
I am having a very
difficult time accepting
that my almost 10 year
old daughter will never
grow into "having basic common sense".... Please guide/advise... I CAN'T FIND any guidance
in books/ web on how to help her or myself to accept that I will have to guide her forever and
ever (well I hope not)... Any thoughts?
ANSWER: While most people develop basic
common sense, others do not! Most of us have
met a few adults in our lifetime that we say are
very bright but have no common sense. So, it’s possible! For those that don’t develop this
naturally, what you can do is teach problems solving. When things aren’t just naturally
logical to a person, problem solving can help.
Sometimes it’s just easier to tell our kids what
to do to avoid some problems, but even though
it’s easier, it does take away the skill building of
how to solve a problem. With a child that can
be impulsive, it’s important to slow down a
child's thought process, so problem solving
skills can be built.
You may want to work on building confidence
and asking her opinion. You can ask general questions such as “Why are stop signs red?”
It’s not that important what the answer is to
this, but just the idea that you’re getting your daughter to think and to come up with some
ideas. The more that you do things like that,
the more she may become used to thinking
and coming up with ideas. Build questions
into something that would have a clear answer
such as “What does a person do when he gets a cut?” Just knowing that you care about her
opinion is a great self-esteem booster! When
you think of it, she’s probably more used to
being corrected due to the frustration that
occurs from her lack of common sense.
Encourage her!
When you begin to work on “slowing things
down”, you may ask her to ask herself these questions:
Is this a good idea to do?
Will it hurt me or anyone else?
If it’s not a good idea or it will hurt me or
someone else, what may be a better way to
do it?
These questions teach your child to think of
options before they jump in head first! For
some children who lack certain skills, teaching
may seem robotic but you need to do what
works and builds success. After a while, she’ll remember all of the questions. When she makes
a mistake, ask her to go back and go through the questions with you. She’ll build skills with
practice! Some people always need to think
this way because it’s just not a natural thing
to see what most of us feel is obvious. If she’s
one of those people it will help her more to
teach and encourage her.
There is a quote that says, "Teach your child
how to think, not what to think." You can do
that when you encourage her to discover her
own solutions. When she comes to you with a
question ask her what she thinks the answer
might be. Then ask her questions to get her
start thinking in the right direction. Use a tone
that is fun and inquisitive!
When you teach your child to think, they'll
learn how to solve more problems on their
own. That gives them lots of confidence
and pride!
If you haven’t done this already, I’d speak
with her pediatrician about this and see if
they feel that further testing is needed.
I wish you the best!
