PARENT COACH--ALISON ASTAIR
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CHILDREN AND PETS
This is NOT legal advice.  It is meant for informational purposes only!
CHILD SUPPORT
GRANDPARENTS RIGHTS
PETS

As sad and confusing as divorce can be for a parent, children are often more confused by the changes in their living environment and the new “moods” of their parents.

When children have lived in abusive situations separation and divorce can be a relief for them.  Just living in a calmer less explosive environment can be beneficial.  But no matter what the circumstances, children feel uncertain about their future and what their day to day life will be like. 

Some parents enter into the divorce process believing that things will stay agreeable between them.  But as friends and family enter the picture, the “stories” begin and the suspicion and distrust seem to mount.  The more angry the divorce, the more difficult it will be on you and you children.

You will need stability in your home to help your children cope with the changes that are going on around them.  It is important to maintain their previous routines and schedules.  The “sameness” feels secure to a child. Of course there will be adjustments due to visitation, but do your best to keep schedules and routines the way they were.

No matter how “peaceful” the divorce (and few are), it is important for you to take care of yourself.  Friends and family can provide support but they cannot provide an unbiased view of your current life situation.  If you can afford therapy, go!  If your insurance co-payments become more than you can afford, speak with your therapist to see is there is anything that she can do to help you.  If you don’t have insurance or cannot afford to see a previous therapist,  there are county mental health agencies to look into.  If you have the appropriate person to vent your anger to and work out your problems with, you will tend to be able to listen to your children and provide the reassurance that they need.  Make your child’s well-being your priority!

Child Support

This is NOT legal advice.  It is meant for informational purposes only!

 Most states have specific guidelines that are followed to determine of how much child support is

given per child. .There are formulas used to define the amount of child support. It is important to

follow through and learn the guidelines of your state. 


The following are generally used to determine the amount of support:

1.    Income levels of parents.

2.    Expenses associated in raising the child.

3.    Age of the child.

4.    Current standard of living.

 There are frequent arguments over support because the parent who is paying often does not

feel that the custodial parent is using the support money appropriately.  The custodial parent

often feels that they are not receiving enough money and barely making ends meet.  

  
Other Areas to Consider:
  • Although there are child support guidelines, you and your spouse may choose to decide upon

       a different payment amount (which may be higher than the state guidelines).  If you can agree,

       it may be better to do this instead of having the courts involved in this decision.  DO NOT sign an 

        agreement that you made with your soon to be ex until it is reviewed by an attorney!
  •  Child support often does not include the extra-curricular activities such as piano lessons,
                   
      dance lessons, sports, etc. Provisions should be made in the divorce agreement to pay for

     these items.  If both parents are employed, both should agree to pay a portion based on

     income level.  Have this written up in the divorce agreement!


  •    If the custodial parent has a higher income than the non-custodial parent, child support
         payments are still made.
  • Even if you don’t think your spouse if using the child support appropriately, that is no reason

       to hold the money back or use it for “negotiation” purposes.  Know that you are contributing
   
       to the support of your children and make your payments on time!  Many people select to have

       their support payments by direct deposit and others have their wages garnished.  If you have

       a choice you may want to choose direct deposit to avoid having your employer involved.
  •  NEVER involve your children in support/visitation issues!  No matter how angry you are, your children are not pawns to be used.  They should neither know the amount of money that is being paid for support nor should visitation ever be denied because support payment is late!
  • Emancipation of a child isn’t always at age 18! When determining the date support payments are to end, the following areas are taken into consideration: if the child in college, the physical health of the child (disabilities), in the military, married, or in the child’s best interest. It is important to have the date or milestone (high school graduation, college graduation, marriage, etc.) this written into the divorce agreement.
GRANDPARENTS RIGHTS

You will need to check your INDIVIDUAL state laws regarding the rights of the grandparents.  Usually the grandparents see the children during regular visitation from the custodial parent.  But there are cases where grandparents have gone to court and won rights to see their grandchildren.   These cases are usually when there is death or incarceration of a parent and if the grandparents have previously raised the children and are suddenly cut off from seeing their grandchildren.  This is just another area to consider and one that you should think seriously about.  Discuss this ahead of time with your attorney!

You want to make sure that your children can always see your parents, no matter what circumstances arise.

PETS

No matter how much your pet may seem like a family member, in the eyes of the court it's just another possession that will be divided.  Some courts will give "visitation" rights but not all of them!

    Be prepared with the following to make your case:

    * Who owned the pet before the marriage?

    * Was the pet purchased during the marriage?

    * Who is the primary caretaker?

    * Tell your pet how important it is to you and make sure it's treated as a priority!

 
If you have children, and they are attached to their pet or pets, it makes the most sense to keep the pets with the children.  Often the pet can have visitation when the children do!

    * If you have more than one pet and there is any attachment, it is best to keep them together.

    * If you have a dog or cat that is in shows or used for stud, your pet will be considered an asset and will be looked at in this regard also.



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