Abusive Situations
This is NOT legal advice. It is mean for informational purposes only!
Many women live for years in situations of emotional, physical and verbal abuse. They stay in the marriage because of fear, "no-where to go" and no income. Many husbands keep their wives feeling trapped due to their financial control, abuse, threats and intimidation.
Low self-esteem keeps many women immobilized and they live their lives in fear and depression.
But there are those that make a plan and do leave. If you are one of those women and feel that you can't take living with abuse any longer, there are steps to follow that will help along the way.
For women who have to leave for their safety and the safety of their children, there are certain other considerations that must be thought through.
If the life of yourself or your children are in danger. Leave the home immediately! If you are not
in immediate danger, take some time to plan.
FIRST review the Getting Started information, THEN you will need to follow additional steps
in the "What You Need To Do" section.
Many women live for years in situations of emotional, physical and verbal abuse. They stay in the marriage because of fear, "no-where to go" and no income. Many husbands keep their wives feeling trapped due to their financial control, abuse, threats and intimidation.
If the life of yourself or your children are in danger. Leave the home immediately! If you are not in immediate danger, take some time to plan.
* If you have a violent relationship, find out where your county/state safe house is. Call the
National Domestic Violence Hotline for immediate, confidential advice from a professional:
800-799-SAFE (7233) or 800-787-3224/TDD.
If you haven't tried marriage counseling, this is a good first step. You may know that your spouse will never change, but it can be good for you in gaining perspective, insight and strength.
Some spouses will never go, but at least you will know that you've tried. If that's your situation, go alone! It will be good in the eyes of the court to have seen that you have tried everything first!
FIRST, follow the information on the Getting Started page to make sure that you have all of the paperwork and documentation that you will need.
THEN add on these additional steps:
1. Open a bank account before you leave and deposit as much as you can as often as you can.
You may want to use the address of a parent in case the bank mails any literature.
When opening the account, tell them you want it paperless! That will reduce the probability of mail. Keep it a secret! Some women add small amounts of money as "cash back" when they do their grocery shopping. Nothing shows up except the total spent, in that case.
2. Think of friends or relatives that may allow you and you children to stay for an undetermined amount of time. This is very important because you don't know how long it will take for you to be on your own.
3. When you leave, do not leave your children behind if you want to retain custody!
Many states will consider this abandonment and will weigh this in when considering custody.
4. Ask friends and family for recommendation of divorce/custody attorneys. Many attorneys offer free consultation. Go to a few and take notes! Even if you can't afford to go forward at this point, you will gain knowledge and get some of your questions answered. Retainers can be
expensive so you want to not only have a good recommendation but you also want to feel comfortable with your choice. When you make your decision you would want to be the first one to file. Better to be the plaintiff than the defendant!
5. Once you know where you will go and have chosen a date, pack things for yourself and your children. If there are some things that will not be obvious to remove from your home, take them as soon as you can. If they would be noticed, take them on the day that you leave (prescriptions for your or your children, all paperwork, special toys and clothes, toiletries, etc.). Tell your family and friends where you will be. It is best not to discuss this with the children ahead of time because they will worry and they may "slip up"! It is usually best to leave when your husband is at work. If your children are of school age, pick them up after school and go to where you will be staying. Talk to them at that time and assure them that everything is fine and they will see their dad.
6. If there are restraining orders, make copies for your child's school. It is important to speak with the guidance counselor and child's teacher so that they are aware of what's going on and how to help your child.(take them ahead of time.) Don’t worry about what the school may “think of you”, do what is best for your child. If a teacher is aware of situations, they are better equipped to help your child.
7. Make a list of what you want to take on the day that you leave (prescriptions for your or your children, all paperwork, special toys and clothes, toiletries, etc.). Tell your family and friends where you will be. It is best not to discuss this with the children ahead of time because they will worry and
they may "slip up"! It is often best to leave when your husband (or wife) is at work. If your children are of
school age, pick them up after school and go to where you will be staying. Talk to them at that time and assure them that everything is fine and they will see their dad (or mom).
KEEP THE ABUSE HOTLINE NUMBERS HANDY. They are different in each state. Look up the number for each state. Here’s the number for Florida:
FLORIDA DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HOTLINE-1-800-500-1119
--------
The Nation Domestic Violence Hotline:
The Hotline provides lifesaving tools and immediate support to enable victims to find safety and live lives free of abuse. Resources and help can be found by calling 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or for Deaf callers on video phone 1-855-812-1001 (Monday to Friday, 9 a.m.—5 p.m. PST) or TTY 1-800-787-3224.
Low self-esteem keeps many women immobilized and they live their lives in fear and depression.
But there are those that make a plan and do leave. If you are one of those women and feel that you can't take living with abuse any longer, there are steps to follow that will help along the way.
For women who have to leave for their safety and the safety of their children, there are certain other considerations that must be thought through.
If the life of yourself or your children are in danger. Leave the home immediately! If you are not
in immediate danger, take some time to plan.
FIRST review the Getting Started information, THEN you will need to follow additional steps
in the "What You Need To Do" section.
Many women live for years in situations of emotional, physical and verbal abuse. They stay in the marriage because of fear, "no-where to go" and no income. Many husbands keep their wives feeling trapped due to their financial control, abuse, threats and intimidation.
If the life of yourself or your children are in danger. Leave the home immediately! If you are not in immediate danger, take some time to plan.
* If you have a violent relationship, find out where your county/state safe house is. Call the
National Domestic Violence Hotline for immediate, confidential advice from a professional:
800-799-SAFE (7233) or 800-787-3224/TDD.
If you haven't tried marriage counseling, this is a good first step. You may know that your spouse will never change, but it can be good for you in gaining perspective, insight and strength.
Some spouses will never go, but at least you will know that you've tried. If that's your situation, go alone! It will be good in the eyes of the court to have seen that you have tried everything first!
FIRST, follow the information on the Getting Started page to make sure that you have all of the paperwork and documentation that you will need.
THEN add on these additional steps:
1. Open a bank account before you leave and deposit as much as you can as often as you can.
You may want to use the address of a parent in case the bank mails any literature.
When opening the account, tell them you want it paperless! That will reduce the probability of mail. Keep it a secret! Some women add small amounts of money as "cash back" when they do their grocery shopping. Nothing shows up except the total spent, in that case.
2. Think of friends or relatives that may allow you and you children to stay for an undetermined amount of time. This is very important because you don't know how long it will take for you to be on your own.
3. When you leave, do not leave your children behind if you want to retain custody!
Many states will consider this abandonment and will weigh this in when considering custody.
4. Ask friends and family for recommendation of divorce/custody attorneys. Many attorneys offer free consultation. Go to a few and take notes! Even if you can't afford to go forward at this point, you will gain knowledge and get some of your questions answered. Retainers can be
expensive so you want to not only have a good recommendation but you also want to feel comfortable with your choice. When you make your decision you would want to be the first one to file. Better to be the plaintiff than the defendant!
5. Once you know where you will go and have chosen a date, pack things for yourself and your children. If there are some things that will not be obvious to remove from your home, take them as soon as you can. If they would be noticed, take them on the day that you leave (prescriptions for your or your children, all paperwork, special toys and clothes, toiletries, etc.). Tell your family and friends where you will be. It is best not to discuss this with the children ahead of time because they will worry and they may "slip up"! It is usually best to leave when your husband is at work. If your children are of school age, pick them up after school and go to where you will be staying. Talk to them at that time and assure them that everything is fine and they will see their dad.
6. If there are restraining orders, make copies for your child's school. It is important to speak with the guidance counselor and child's teacher so that they are aware of what's going on and how to help your child.(take them ahead of time.) Don’t worry about what the school may “think of you”, do what is best for your child. If a teacher is aware of situations, they are better equipped to help your child.
7. Make a list of what you want to take on the day that you leave (prescriptions for your or your children, all paperwork, special toys and clothes, toiletries, etc.). Tell your family and friends where you will be. It is best not to discuss this with the children ahead of time because they will worry and
they may "slip up"! It is often best to leave when your husband (or wife) is at work. If your children are of
school age, pick them up after school and go to where you will be staying. Talk to them at that time and assure them that everything is fine and they will see their dad (or mom).
KEEP THE ABUSE HOTLINE NUMBERS HANDY. They are different in each state. Look up the number for each state. Here’s the number for Florida:
FLORIDA DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HOTLINE-1-800-500-1119
--------
The Nation Domestic Violence Hotline:
The Hotline provides lifesaving tools and immediate support to enable victims to find safety and live lives free of abuse. Resources and help can be found by calling 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or for Deaf callers on video phone 1-855-812-1001 (Monday to Friday, 9 a.m.—5 p.m. PST) or TTY 1-800-787-3224.