www.helpmealison.com
PARENT QUESTION:
My problem with my 3 year
old son is he never wants to
listen to me like at all. Every
time I tell him to do
something like go to your
room it is time for bed he tells me no or his
favorite "I Can't" I have tried warning him
and asked him over and over again and he
still won't do it . My son thinks he can walk
all over me but he listens to his dad
very well my husband just has to tell our
son once to do something and he will do it .
With me that is not the case and "I feel like especially with my husband deploying here
soon He is going to be even worse because his daddy won't be around
ANSWER:
The bottom line here is that kids don’t feel
like they have to bother listening when they
get so many chances! It’s almost like the
“One, two, three” counting that to me teaches
kids, “Ignore them on one, ignore them on two
and maybe start moving when they get to three!” That counting works initially because kids don’t know what will happen. Soon they realize they
can push the limits and nothing will happen so
they start ignoring you.
Kids really love being in control and when they
hear the parent asking and they know that they
can ignore them and nothing will happen, they
sit back and let parents ask over and over. By
the fifth or sixth time they hear their parents
get angry or scream so then they listen.
I know you want the listening to happen by
the first, no more than the second time. What
you have to do is, SAY IT! MEAN IT! FOLLOW THROUGH!
That means that you tell him it’s time to brush
his teeth. If he is busy, tell him that he needs
to stop in five minutes and it will be time to
brush his teeth. You may want to put a timer
on. It’s good to give a five minute warning.
When you tell him it’s time and he doesn’t move, escort him where you want him to go. If he’s watching TV, turn it off. If he’s playing, take
the toy out of his hand. If he’s coloring,
remove the crayons, etc. Then say, “Mommy
called you to brush your teeth. You need to
listen.” Do this with a firm but monotone voice. Firm means you’re serious and monotone is showing him that he is not getting an angry or frustrated reaction from you. When kids get
the reaction, they like it! It gives them the
feeling of power seeing that they can control
your emotions. So don’t give that pleasure by reacting! Don’t escort them with any more conversation than what you said in the first
place. Don’t make comment about listening
the first time, and on and on. All that does is
get the reaction that he wanted! Don’t make comments when he says “I can’t”. You know
he CAN so there is no reason to say anything.
He’s doing it for a reaction and he’s getting it.
Just take that reaction away. The less talking
and less looking at him, the better! When you
talk a lot or repeat yourself that just gives
attention to the “ignoring you” behavior!
After a few days of this, most kids begin to
listen.
If you don’t feel progress then give
consequences that are related to the time
and or activity. For example, if he brushes
his teeth and maybe gets to play a game
with you before bed and story time, then
not brushing his teeth or taking too long
loses the game or TV time or whatever
happens before bed. (I would never take
away the story time though.) If you have
to rework things, then you may want the
teeth brushing earlier so that there can still
be “awake” time to use for consequences.
If he refuses to get dressed and it’s time to
leave for school or camp then take him in his pajamas! At his age, it usually is embarrassing
to walk into school that way. Put the clothes
in a bag and take them with you. Ninety nine percent of the time kid’s panic by the time
you’re getting into car pool line realizing that
you’re serious. Get out of the line and park
the car. Tell him to get dressed and just don’t
talk or look at him. In most cases, the problem is solved. The following day, he knows that you
mean it. Let him know that you will not get
out of the car pool line again and that he will
go into class with pajamas on. One time
usually does the trick. Just send a note to his
teacher and the clothes in his backpack.
The more he sees that you mean what you say,
the less he’ll feel that he has the control.
I would work very hard on this to get that
behavior to change. With your husband
deploying soon you want to get this under
control!
Hope this helps you!
My problem with my 3 year
old son is he never wants to
listen to me like at all. Every
time I tell him to do
something like go to your
room it is time for bed he tells me no or his
favorite "I Can't" I have tried warning him
and asked him over and over again and he
still won't do it . My son thinks he can walk
all over me but he listens to his dad
very well my husband just has to tell our
son once to do something and he will do it .
With me that is not the case and "I feel like especially with my husband deploying here
soon He is going to be even worse because his daddy won't be around
ANSWER:
The bottom line here is that kids don’t feel
like they have to bother listening when they
get so many chances! It’s almost like the
“One, two, three” counting that to me teaches
kids, “Ignore them on one, ignore them on two
and maybe start moving when they get to three!” That counting works initially because kids don’t know what will happen. Soon they realize they
can push the limits and nothing will happen so
they start ignoring you.
Kids really love being in control and when they
hear the parent asking and they know that they
can ignore them and nothing will happen, they
sit back and let parents ask over and over. By
the fifth or sixth time they hear their parents
get angry or scream so then they listen.
I know you want the listening to happen by
the first, no more than the second time. What
you have to do is, SAY IT! MEAN IT! FOLLOW THROUGH!
That means that you tell him it’s time to brush
his teeth. If he is busy, tell him that he needs
to stop in five minutes and it will be time to
brush his teeth. You may want to put a timer
on. It’s good to give a five minute warning.
When you tell him it’s time and he doesn’t move, escort him where you want him to go. If he’s watching TV, turn it off. If he’s playing, take
the toy out of his hand. If he’s coloring,
remove the crayons, etc. Then say, “Mommy
called you to brush your teeth. You need to
listen.” Do this with a firm but monotone voice. Firm means you’re serious and monotone is showing him that he is not getting an angry or frustrated reaction from you. When kids get
the reaction, they like it! It gives them the
feeling of power seeing that they can control
your emotions. So don’t give that pleasure by reacting! Don’t escort them with any more conversation than what you said in the first
place. Don’t make comment about listening
the first time, and on and on. All that does is
get the reaction that he wanted! Don’t make comments when he says “I can’t”. You know
he CAN so there is no reason to say anything.
He’s doing it for a reaction and he’s getting it.
Just take that reaction away. The less talking
and less looking at him, the better! When you
talk a lot or repeat yourself that just gives
attention to the “ignoring you” behavior!
After a few days of this, most kids begin to
listen.
If you don’t feel progress then give
consequences that are related to the time
and or activity. For example, if he brushes
his teeth and maybe gets to play a game
with you before bed and story time, then
not brushing his teeth or taking too long
loses the game or TV time or whatever
happens before bed. (I would never take
away the story time though.) If you have
to rework things, then you may want the
teeth brushing earlier so that there can still
be “awake” time to use for consequences.
If he refuses to get dressed and it’s time to
leave for school or camp then take him in his pajamas! At his age, it usually is embarrassing
to walk into school that way. Put the clothes
in a bag and take them with you. Ninety nine percent of the time kid’s panic by the time
you’re getting into car pool line realizing that
you’re serious. Get out of the line and park
the car. Tell him to get dressed and just don’t
talk or look at him. In most cases, the problem is solved. The following day, he knows that you
mean it. Let him know that you will not get
out of the car pool line again and that he will
go into class with pajamas on. One time
usually does the trick. Just send a note to his
teacher and the clothes in his backpack.
The more he sees that you mean what you say,
the less he’ll feel that he has the control.
I would work very hard on this to get that
behavior to change. With your husband
deploying soon you want to get this under
control!
Hope this helps you!